I wish you a very good day

Manchester is under the snow. It looks lovely. Stockport is full of white powder too and t makes me homesick even  more.

Here's  my good day music :

well. I always thought we will survive every disaster. we'll go through the storm together and everything will be okay. because we've got each other. 

It's been ages since our last conversation. I've been home twice. And both times I didn't tell you I'm coming. And now I'm sitting here thinking when can I come again and should I tell you.

Because I'd like to. More than anything. But you're like a stranger. I miss laughs we shared, hugs, support, you sayin' 'bitch make up your mind and live your life the way you want'. you tellin' me everything is gonna be fine. 

yeah we're getting older, growing up. new friends, responsibilities. but we made promises and it's not fair we broke 'em.

it's not fair we did it to each other. made holes in our hearts thinkin' we're replaceable. because this kind of friendship... it happens once in a life time.

don't know what to do. should I let it go. or should I fight. because soon it;s gonna be too late. and if you built a wall already it's pointless because it takes two to fix what's broken between us....

Merry Xmas

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them and others you don’t, but in the end they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into. And sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself."

May you have a happy holiday, shared with your family.

wow long time no see....

looks alike I'm coming here in trouble or when I've got a question or problem.

many things happened. been to Paris, didn't like it. my film almost failed my show almost did too. 

I almost got my heart broken. oh and I've spent a week in Poland. was lovely. disputing the fact I'm more a like in need of a knee surgery. the best case scenario is a physical therapy. well I'll probably need a mental one too. ladies and gentlemen, the crazy auntie has arrived.

the reason why I've came back is tomorrow. or today.

I'm gonna be 22. sounds horrible, ridiculous and pretty much, scary.

it's no longer a child who became an adult. I'm adult now. funny fan fact- still living with parents.

I'm afraid I'm not progressing as fast as I would like to. and I keep failing and hurting people who I love. 

Everything happening around is touching me but only slightly. Like wind, not evolving the changes but you can feel it. but it's not forcing you to take any steps against it. 

got an offer. can keep a flat abroad but have to pay bills. not so bad but then heard how much it would be and started thinking do I even wanna live there one day or when all of my people will be gone would I be paying visits or just leave it the way it is, pretending my nationality never happened. pretending I'm the citizen of the world (but to be true I always felt like one, may have got roots and be attached but world is too big to waist my time for just one place).

My sister's 20. I'm almost 22 (just minutes....) and what are we going to do with our lifes?

do we need a push or are we hiding from the truth?

small fool

sometimes it's about time to fly. we all have wings. just not all of us know how to straight them.
never thought my wings can fly with the wind.
was afraid of using them leaving my safe place.
but it's different now and I'm growing up, turning into a person I always wanted to be.
in about a year my wings will take me far away. that's the plan. but time will show.

I feel like last few months were under control of a gremlin who enjoyed watching me falling apart over and over again. and trust me there's nothing cool in having your soul broken apart every day. you can take it once, maybe twice. but not more. cause it's killing you on the inside.

I was not only afraid to face myself but to face my pain. Now I know that I was an emotional wreck and how to deal with that.

Maybe becoming a grown-up is about going through harsh days on our own, learning our lessons with a teacher and dealing with pain (here should underline that first pain is leaving but the one that hurts the most is mostly caused by us reminding, thinking and saying horrible things when looking into mirror) .

6 weeks and 3 days. nothing will change. one year older. maybe one year wiser.
one year closer to becoming a true grown-up.
we'll see.

Raise the Dead - Rachel Rabin

everything is changin', happenin' so fast.

takin' a lot on my head, running around doing more than should

but I am happy. even without him

one song and thousand thoughts...

And we keep running away from ourselves,
from problems,
from people
from the present
from the past
we keep running away because our wounds are still open and we're not strong enough to confront the world
maybe we're still kids who need a help to solve the mystery maybe we're not who we taught we are.