Got a very bad day. Full of running, thinking, thinking, crying and I just don't understand why things are falling apart when I'm trying so hard to keep them running, I just don't.

Saw A last weekend. Still looks damn good. Miss him. Miss exchanging smiles and....
 I wish that so many things that happened last year went different. Better. Even just a little bit. I was too scared, maybe he was too?

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