I'm dreaming of a white Christmas..

Christmas is a special time full of joy and happiness.

My family tires to celebrate it as we would do it in Poland.
We started our celebration at Christmas' Eve with a traditional family dinner after breaking the wafer - 12 dishes, fish, xmas cookies.
It was our 2nd year on skype with our family in Poland, kinda weird to celebrate with a laptop next to Christmas meal but at least it gave us a bit of traditional celebration.
After finding first star on the sky we got our presents ;)
Culmination was watching Home Alone, our little thing ;)

Merry Christmas guys <3


I'm either stupid or I'm an idiot.
I'm tired, my body's begging for extra sleep and I'm taking extra jobs.
Filling up my schedule with many duties so I wouldn't have time for thinking about my,life and problems.
well, it was working for a few days but now I'm tired all the time and things I don't wanna think about are attacking me from every possible side.
Can't deal with my life now, it's just too much.

I know that people think I'm loud, always nice and helpful, chatterbox.
Sometimes I haven't got enough strength to be Carol so I fake.
Fake smiles, being nice.
I'm just tired with trying and doing what I do.
It's too much.


last hours as 20year-old. feels weird and normal at the same time.
the best part will be 6.31 hour rate muahahah ;)


Can you imagine your death?
Will it be natural or maybe a murder or an accident?

I can't fall asleep and have many weird thoughts in my head like a projection of stupidity.

All I know is I wanna die happy. Proud of what I've done and how I lived and just happy that my dreams came true or at least I did everything to make them as close of coming true as possible.

we all are dying. with every breath, every second.
we're born to die.


I'm in a party mood, wanna dance and do crazy stuff but my working hours are not allowing me to :(
next 3 days full opening/closing shifts. Good for wallet, bad for my mood.
Luckily, next week will be crazy muahahah

thought of the night - *if you were born as a jerk, you're gonna die as one*

Serena will be posting here her thoughts.
Hope you'll like her as much as I do.

by Serena

Sometimes you're lost and you feel alone
Sometimes you're lost but you've got a place to go
And sometimes you can't get lost 'cause you're trapped in the golden cage.
You can't run,
You can't scream,
You can't do anything because apparently, you are the one who locked the cage doors and throw the key away.

My cage is different.
There's no lock. No key. Just me.
I can leave whenever I want. Can be free.
The trouble is - I don't want to. I'm in a warm place where people are nice.
Everything should be going well.
It's not because cage is comfier than the outside world.

The scare wasn't given in DNA. It was taight by close people and by the tough real life.
It was like a samll life lesson
And I decided to take the easiest way.
I'll leave my cage, just as you'll leave yours.
The only difference is I can do it anytime, you have to ask for being setted free.

Enough for now...



had a good day. over 12hrs of sleep, great mood, bought few cool baking accesories, yup- cookie monster's back in town ;)

today's music....... *drums please*


Sometimes we have to die to be free.
Sometimes we have to give up and walk away.
We have to let go to get what we want.
Freedom is not a word.
It's a state of mind.
                of body.
                                     It's not a previledge.
  It's a gift.......                                      



Prague was what I needed.
Great people, amazing memories.
It was good to be away from my problems and focus on having fun.
Solved few things and now can move on.
It's good to forget abt people's expectations and being myself.

11 days left till my bday. Gonna turn 21. Time to remember that it's more important what I want & who I wanna be. it's my life, none gonna live it for me.


not gonna

I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna ask for a second chance,
I'm not gonna crawl and beg.
I'm not gonna pretend.
I'm not gonna change.

The cover is the same
The inside is new, fresh.

No gonna lie,
Not gonna cry,
Not gonna miss,
Or love or die.

Our time is ending,
Desire is dead.
There's nothing more or even less.

Not gonna be happy
If I will stay,
That's why I'm going.
Forget me, okay? .........




I did it! I handed in my storytelling folder, presentation went well, finished my Prague script and now can chill. Well not as I planned cause of some family stuff here. Great grandma is not well, mum asked her to wait for her but we don't know how it's gonna be. All family gathered today to say goodbye and we couldnt be there. It's hard to lose someone without a chance to say goodby, thank you for being with us....

Going to Prague on Sunday, the same day Nana no.2 is coming for a week and I wont see her. It's all weird and I just dont know what to think.....


Antibiotics- my friends

I'm not well. On Saturday we went for Domi's birthday, it was great. Can't wait to spend mine with them next month. Unfortunately, I got a cold and yesterday felt like a crap. Spent whole night writing essay from multicamera, think it's a good one. I was waiting till the very last day just because I didn't understand the topic and was too proud to ask for an expalnation. Have to work on that- dont let the proud to hold you back cause it may affect your future, mmmhhmmm.

My Mum is sooo great she's taking care of me (just like when I was 6 years old). I guess we both have the same aim- I have to be healthy before going to Prague.
So I;m fighting with fever and a sore throat in my bed trying to read books.
Last 3 weeks were crazy. 3days of making 2 live shows per day, four days at work, 3days of making 2 live shows per day, 10 days at work. and here I am. Weak, depressed, ill and tired like after a year long boot camp in Africa or somewhere else where it's very hot.

at least I've got antibiotics, hope they'll help me cause I'm still not registered at GP... thank you Poles for opening Polish pharmacy in England.

gotta take a nap,
goodnight sweethearts.


on my iPod...

I decided to introduce a new music theme (posted weekly) - on my iPod.
the music I'm listening now, the music that stole my heart, sounds I love and wanna share with you.

<3 <3 <3

enjoy the music, enjoy the evening ;)

Carol xxxxxx


tmorrow new music list

Got a very bad day. Full of running, thinking, thinking, crying and I just don't understand why things are falling apart when I'm trying so hard to keep them running, I just don't.

Saw A last weekend. Still looks damn good. Miss him. Miss exchanging smiles and....
 I wish that so many things that happened last year went different. Better. Even just a little bit. I was too scared, maybe he was too?



My dearest sweethearts,
I haven't been writing here for a long time. Mostly because I hadn't got a laptop for a month. Now it's working good enough to write and since Sunday I'll be using a brand new one ;)

Don't worry, I'm alive, totally alright, living my big dream (okay, maybe step number 3 of the big dream but hey so far so good).
Just 3 weeks and I'm off to Prague :3 I'm so excited ;)

Just wanna say I love You and I appreaciate that you've been checking my blog when I wasn't here.
Have a tip for ya, as I love music and prob you love too, you can be closer to me by listening John Newman's album Tribute and James Blunt's Moon Landing :)

I love both of them, they're playing non stop on my mp3 ;)

Spread the love and keep smiling





What bugs me about English today?

Few days ago I was eating lunch with my friend. In the middle of the relation from the baby shower I attended she exploded “I can’t stand that”. She said she doesn’t want to hurt me or offend but I’m using too many Americanism[1] and it drives her crazy. As foreigner I never paid attention to distinguish American words from British ones because they all were part of my vocabulary and I only cared about knowing their meanings.
On my way back home I was thinking why I am culpably using American equivalents for British words. I realised that my generation was growing up in the late 20th century, the time of globalization spreading the American English on other countries through new technologies, films, music and Internet what fructified with borrowing and then adopting Americanisms. It’s obvious under how big influence of a ‘new’ language we were just by watching our favourite cartoon or listening to Britney Spears’ songs and we hadn’t got a choice to learn them or not.
I couldn’t help but wonder how we can stop the process of Americanisation of British English.
Few decades ago United States has been seen as a highly status country and people wanted to imitate Americans to feel a little bit like them. The imitation of American English was the cheapest way to feel that oversea's glamour and the world domination of American culture made it much easier than you can think. From the usage of countertypes for British words, e.g. Chips (Am.E)/ Crisps (Br.E), Elevator (Am.E)/ Lift (Br.E) through acceptance of taboo language and slang to elisions and insistence on correct spelling (which is not a standard one in British English).
When using slang or countertypes is freewill, the automatic spell checker is not. Our computers are helping us a lot but they do not know the distinguished difference between American and British English so we end with American spelling in our document like ‘color’ instead of ‘colour’ or common exchanging ‘s’ for ‘z’ in words, for example ‘realize’. Children think it’s a right spelling as the omniscient computer suggests it and they start using it every day. Since it becomes a part of their vocabulary there’s no chance for changing that and one day they will tell their children that it is the right spelling of that word.
Here’s coming the help known as the Plain English Campaign which is fighting not only with Americanism but with all loan words which became a part of the British lexis. The PEC is trying to convince us to use British words as there are many forgotten ones which mean exactly the same thing as the word borrowed from any other language. Americanisms are the most danger loan words as they’re coming from the same language as the British English was the base for American variation.
It’s showing how flexible and open for evolving Britsh Language is but there’s always going to be someone who will complain.
Matthew Engel in his article for the Daily Mail from May 29 2010 was concerned about the fact that people don’t know the boundry between American and English and we are not doing a selection of words we’re borrowing from Americans.
In For Thought Broadcast (13th July 2011) Engel said that usage of some phrases which have a „vigour and vivacity” is acceptable (I think it might bring some freshness into British English) but losing a distinctive phraseology and that difference between Britain and US in the language is actually a losing an origins of English language.[2]

The life goes on, the language change but patterns stay the same. We are importing new fancy words to show our intelligence and sound better (even Americans do it) but by that we are forgetting the beauty of the original language we are using since our first words.
 It has been noticed that Americans are using more British words for over prestige (to sound sophisticated and well educated) and also just because they like their sound. Moreover, linguists noticed that British English is evolving faster than American one what makes it seems more traditional. Maybe one day, when Americans will be ready, we will britishnise their English and make it more posh sounding. Who knows…

[1]Americanisms are examples of language use distinct to American English speakers.
[2]Here you can read an edited version of his broadcast: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/14130942


We learn new things every single day.
About life, about the world but mostly about ourselves. About who we are and who we want to be.
Our whole life is like a one big lesson and we have to learn as much as we can to become better people and make a difference.
Sometimes it's like a torture but we have to take the life as it is and turn it into something amazing so we could be proud of what we created and who we are.
The hardest thing is not to lose the spark inside, because that spark is the true You which will be needed to stay the real you, just better.
Sometimes people want us to change,  without a reason or by sayin' "do it for me". We should change for ourselves, not for parents, friends or boy/girl. Because if we won't achieve the goal of being a better 2.0 version of Carol/Matt/whoever they'll be dissapointed and will blame us.
It's hard to be who we are and be accepted if we are weird or just simply different than the others.
We are human beings and it's in our DNA to try so hard for people who we love but if we try too hard we can ruin everything and lose people who we care about.

I tried too hard and I lost. Nothing will be the same but I will try to be better me without that person and I hope that one day I'll find someone who will take that place but not as a replacement. As a true friend who deserves to be so close.


only good news -last weeks report

hello :*

I missed you guys, I missed writing ;)

okay, here's some good, ha! amazing news.

I passed my exams :) yay
I'm starting my uni TV production course tomorrow!! double yay :)
Marta visited us a week ago and it was awesome, we had a good time together just like last summer ;)
My baby girl had 1st birthday last week :)
I have a new room which is bigger and full of new cool stuff :)

hope you had  a great summer :)
wish me luck and keep fingers crossed tomorrow ;)

have a good fresh start and make a new school year as awesome as possible ;)

take care,


I'm so sorry
During last few weeks I didn't have enough time for blogging.
well I still haven't got that time to be honest.
Work, gym, sleep. work, sleep, work, work, sleep, sleep, gym, work, work
my life during July and looks like August is going be the same.

and I have a cold. very nasty one,. now I'm fighting so it won't turn into a flu cause then I'll be ill for 2 weeks and I don't want to.
I thought this summer is gonna be different- without being sick, reading books, working and partying. I haven't got enough time for the last one because after work I'm mostly so tired I'm going straight to the bed, watching 2episodes of my fave show and going to sleep.

Next Thursday- results day......
I'm worried I didn't pass my exams as good as I wanted to....
urghhhh, fingers crossed.

gotta write something big soon, well it's written but I'll post it on the results day.

so, see ya ;)



Firefox says that I didn't accept Google's cookies so I haven't got an access to blogger and gmail on my laptop.
I,need a geek who will be,able to help me
My,laptop is a disaster. Few weeks ago,it,deleted some documents, then cleared my bookmarks' list, the setting were changed.
It's like one big wtf.....


Tunnel Vision

Hey guys,
hope y'all alright.

I spent almost the whole day with R and it was great. He showed me JT's new video and I'm really surprised they first banned it on YT and know you have to be registered to watch it because of 3 pairs of, pardon my language, boobs.

The 20/20 Experience is without a doubt Justin's best  album so far and I can't wait for the 2nd part of it which is coming out in September (R, thanks for sharing the magical news) and Tunnel Vision is in my top 3 fave songs from 20/20.
R didn't tell me to which song the video is but I recognise it with from the very first seconds and I knew it's gonna be a good if not great (and to me it is a GREAT video, just sayin') video clip.
Straight to the point- the video is modest, subtle, the lighting and colours are perfect. It's allowing you to focus on the music and think about what the lyrics are, to understand the message
I know I might sounds crazy but let's face it when the song is good and you add a good video too it you've got a master piece called art (and yes, some videos of Linkin Park/Michael Jackson/Green Day are art too, so it's not like I'm saying it because it's JT's video).

In Tunnel Vision  nudity is not vulgar and if we would compare it with hip-hop clips, I would even start thinking about creating a new, stronger word defining vulgarity 'cause rappers are treating naked women as meat...

Trust me,the first thing you'll notice is not nudity and it's more like an artistic metaphor for the lyrics than a vulgar picture of naked ladies dancing around JT and showing what mother nature gave to them. 


hate to say goodbye

on Tuesday Matt left me for God-only-knows-how-long.
I mean, I have no idea when we'll meet again and those 2 weeks were not enough time for doing what we wanted to. especially because of typical english weather, Matt's sickness and my laziness.
however, next summer we're going to France and hopefully it's gonna be sunny and nothing less than fun ;)


top 10

hello :)
hope you missed me and my top 10 songs of the week ;]


Recipe - pasta with pesto ;)

Hello , Hello :)
I know I haven't been here for a while but since blogspot is not working properly on my laptop I'm trying to focus on my other blog ;)
but here I've got sth for you, guys :) a recipe for a tasty dinner ;D

  • 400g of pasta
  • basil (as much as you want)
  • garlic (as much as you want)
  • 40g of cashew nuts
  • pinch of salt
  • olive oil
  • small piece of parmesan

  1. Step 1. Put the pasta into the pot with hot water.
  2. Step 2. Blend basil with garlic, nuts and olive oil for the smooth sauce. Yay, you just made pesto ;)
  3. Step 3. Check the pasta. if it’s al dente (it has to be a little hard) take it out from the pot.
  4. Step 4.
    Put pasta in the big bowl and mix with pesto.
  5. Step 5.
    Put the past on plates, add parmesan on the top and decorate with a basil.
Bon apetite!


So I can't post photos now but I'll try do that 2moro.

Just wanna say that I'm so happy. I mean just 22 hours and 58 minutes left till Matthew's landing. Next 2 weeks are gonna be magical :D
*just have to finish cleaning up my room hahha

exams were fine, hope I'm gonna meet conditions and start tv prod. in September or film studies with Fiona in Salford :3

it's great. Life is great. I'm growing up, learning who I am and who I wanna be.
life is a lottery but I can have the winning ticket.

Sneak peak

New post. Check my blog at 11PM


1 day till my exams
6 days till two big parties- my dad's        40th bday party and my friend's 31st bday party yay
And last but not least
9 days till Matthew's visit :3 I'm so excited :))


sneak peak

Hello sweethearts,
I know it's been a while since I wrote sth here but I've been really busy, just passed one exam, 2 more to go and I had to organise few things because Matthew is finally coming with a visit we bought tickets last week :) I'm so excited.
I'm revising media now and when I saw the advert I couldn't stop thinking about it :)



There are three kind of people in the world.
and Grown-ups.

after last 2 months all I know is that my weaknesses make me stronger. Sometimes some things are falling apart but nothing happens without a reason, we have to take the life the way it comes. Accept it and make it better.
I'm not gonna hide, I'll face all problems and consequences of everything I've ever done and said. Sounds like a pay back time but I'm ready.
I think it's time to be a grown-up, face lies, all that mess I've done. To come face to face with my past. No more haunting by memories, no more running away. I'm too old for playing stupid games. I'm no longer a high-school girl.
I have to fight for me, my new life and I have to make it as great as possible so I could be proud of who I am.
It's time to be a grown-up. To be 21.

After all, it's only gonna get better, get right.



jeden z tych dni...

Cóż... to jeden z tych dni kiedy czuje, że musze napisac cos po polsku.
Ostatnio zrozumiałam, że podoba mi sie tu coraz bardziej i chce zostac, ale jednocześnie tęsknię za domem i są momenty kiedy nie jestem w stanie poradzic sobie z tym uczuciem. Przeciez tam są ludzie, których kocham i którym na mnie zależy. Zżyłam sie z Ł, widziałam jak uczy sie chodzic, jak zamienia się z niemowlaka w bobasa i kilkulatka. Nie mam takiej samej więzi z I jak mam z Ł, bo nie widuje jej tak czesto, z resztą teraz i Ł widze jedynie od czasu do czasu na Skype (thx technology)...

Sama nie wiem... Może biadole, może użalam się nad sobą. Taka dziwna nostalgia mnie dopadła. Myślenie o tym co dalej, co z robic z soba i ze swoim życiem.. Troche wspomnień sie trafiło..

Podobno nic w zyciu nie zdarza się dwa razy. Odnosze wrażenie, że moje życie jest wyjatkiem. kolejni "przyjaciele" odchodzą a tylko ci prawdziwi zostają. nauczyłam się już tłumic to rozczarowanie ludzmi, którzy coś dla mnie znaczyli, jest łatwiej się pogodzic z tym, że z nikają (po wcześniejszym wykorzystaniu mnie na maksa....)......

Musze sie z tym przespac i pomyslec czego chcę, bo chyba sama się już w tym wszystkim pogubiłam i to co dawało mi szczęście zaczyna mnie irytowac i nie jestem w stanie trzezwo myślec.......



hello May :)

Hi guys :*
it's May! finally! My favourite month :3 it's not too cold and not too hot, everything look great grass, flowers, sky, people seem to be happier :)
it's my piece of heaven ;)

I went to the cinema with Kesja and Kate today. Iron Man 3 is great :3 I thought 1st part is gonna be my favourite one. well. not anymore ;) best 130mins of my day 'cause I could be a tomboy enjoying action scenes and fights. 'come on Tony, you can beat him!"
hahah ;)

not gonna encourage you to go and see it or tell you the plot, you all know how to use google and imdb ;P
ohhh I realised that present action cinema focuses more on action scenes than on dialogues. they're not talking a lot, it's mostly about the fight scenes (scene when Tony's house is attacked is one of my favourites). maybe film makers see the target audience as a male one and males like a good action instead of talkin' and talkin' all the time. It's a long film and R D Jr is not disappointing us.

yuppp, sounds like I'm trying to convince you to see it xD

okay, so next week we wanna see Start Trek into darkness as it's coming to the cinemas on my Nameday ;)
hope we'll have time to go and see it (not like with The Host we hadn't got time and when we finally decided to go it was off screen v.v)

have a good night sweethearts


allo :)

Hello my little sweethearts ;)
I'm very busy with courseworks and revisions (just 1! month till the exams aaaa!!!!)
It's also 43days till Matt's visit ;) I'm sooo excited ! :) we're going to London so when I've got a few free minutes I'm trying to organise our little trip hihihi :)



I'm not perfect.
Never have been.
Never will be.

But I'm trying to change. Change everything. My life, my attitude, how I feel and think about the world and myself. I'm trying to change because I believe if I'll never try, I'll never know. Wanna look at the girl in the mirror and be able to say " I made it. I did it"

I think it's a new start and there's no place for excuses or lies.

Maybe one day I'll tell you how my life is changing now but I'm not ready yet...

Be who you are. Acceptation...

Love, Carol


Once in a while...

Once in a while I feel the need to lie down and listen to the music. I'm not doing anything else, just focusing on the sounds and lyrics. I found it relaxing. :)

There's a lot goin' on now and I feel uncomfortable with the fact I haven't got time for my friends. I'm working, we're filming our trailer, weekends at work, college and revising material from media cause I've got exam in 2 months.
Oh, almost forgot about the best one- preparing trip to London with Matthew ;) checking hotels and making a list of places we wanna visit in June :) it's hard but when I'm thinking about having him for 2 weeks... :)
I hope you guys are okay, studying/working hard and living a happy life ;)

here's few songs :)