am I lost?

I have no idea how can I say how sorry I am for hurting myself. Am I lost? or maybe just simple- I am lost.  ?
I feel so pathetic. am I? seriously, am I pathetic? cause I feel like that.  and from the other side I feel like there is no opportunity to feel like I am.  <big shit>
CAUSE I'M NOT! Gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to be screaming "I'm f***king gorgeous" and I felt great. When I get lost? .......... CRAP

HEY! maybe this is it! maybe I must feel pathetic, sad, bad, like a shit because my life is changing. I'm gonna be 20 and can't wait when all that effing college stuff will be ended. Yup, I'll have a big advert sayin' "UNI time :) good Luck".
hahaha , yeah sure. in my F-dreams >.< 
Carol, please, stop being someone who you just can't be. you never gonna be. just be yourself. fat, skinny, blond or ginger. who the hell cares. just yourself.
simple, isn't it?
I totally adore people who know me better than my friends or family or moi.
"she had a breakdown" "she never will be someone" "lazy" "stupid"  "so focused on herself"
the big mistake was listen to them. but actually, worse thing was that I acted to "make their words come true".

oh, I never believed I'll have to say that but I was a jerk, asshole, b***h and I'm an idiot. heh, I'll try cut it down in the future just to be "the sweetest and funniest idiot people ever met" :)

alright, too long session with "Sex and the city" girls and I've soooo Carrie Bradshaw thoughts. about life, love, friendship and other weird things.


Okay, before I post it, I must write one last thing (but not in capitals, that will be too patheticxd). And I don't care I still make stupid mistakes in grammar and other stuffs xd

My name is Karolina Dabrowska. I'm (almost) 20 years old. Single and happy with that. Polish but my passport screams "Citizen of the World". Dreamer with incredible, boundless imagination. Chatterbox who likes vodka. I am fat (again) and not ashamed of that. Because inside I'm still fabulous. ;)