It’s almost 1 o’clock (AM) and I can’t sleep… I can’t sleep because of voices in my head. They’ re talkin’ and talkin’ and screaming. Again more serious part of me is givin’ me a life advices. Do, do not, forget about it, it’s not a good idea, stop thinkin about it, you need, forget your past, be more serious, stop, you’re 20 so behave like 20,must, should etc…
It’s one of those situations when I’m sick and tired of being ME. Well being Karolina D. have a good sides too but not today. Because I couldn’t stopped that crappy voice in my head I took very long, warm shower… and understand some things.
(I know writing this some of you can say what a bitch, but I’m just a human so I’m not perfect) People who still have contact with me, who write short e-mail even once per month, are my friends. They still care about me, miss me and want have that contact. I know that people can say this same about me cause of the college and other stuffs I don’t have time to write or call, but I’m trying to keep alive relations with people who changed my life for better, who always were with me and never let me down. True friends means more than money and career. So I won’t cry because she/he didn’t e-mailed/txted me.
Other thing is love. I mean, if in God’s plans is that I will fall in love tomorrow, next week/month/year or decade, it’s alright. I can live with that. Love is not the most important thing, I can be happy without love (don’t know how long because everybody need it to be complete). I am too old for dreaming about perfect prince but I still have a hope :)
Why every time when my life is falling apart I’m changing myself and it doesn’t work as I thought it’ll? Don’t know but if I want be happy, I have no other choice as forget bad past and take life as it is, even if it’s not perfect.
It all must sounds like a bull, sorry for that. I just have no idea what to do. I wake up, go to the college, coming back and repeating that scheme for next 3days. Every week…
Dear Reader, probably You think I am very silly and dummy person but there must be something in me fascinating(hah, yeah I wish) or at least interesting, because you’re reading my blog. Thank You, I appreciate that and it means for me so much, really. I was shocked when rating was over 1,000. Thank You so much for reading and being with me.
Oh, I almost forgot. I changed background and fonts colours, it was one of my aims for next year :)
PS I know that I still make grammar and linguistic mistakes but I’m working very hard and I hope soon (or in this year and year is very long heh) my mistakes will be just history.
Carol.
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