Depresyjnie pozytywnie

What the hell is going on with me?!?!?! I mean now because being crazy is something normal for me. But now… I don’t know and I don’t understand. Maybe I won’t to. Hmmm, so what else I could say? Writing in other  language, thinking in other language. Yup, that’s totally in my style. Why I’m doing this? Why I’m here? And who the hell am I????!!!! I’m not Karolina, the sweet, kind, full of life girl who I used to be. She’s so gone…

I’m sitting in my bed and thinking about past. I want be old me! I want have long hairs, being fit, think about family next me and friends, I wouldn’t do many things, I would love girl in my mirror, I would read more books about being better person. I want my body back!!!!!!!

No one understand how I fell actually and how big, nuclear war wage inside of me.

Why I met You? Why I felt in love with You? Why I destroyed my world and person who I became? I really loved new me. I’m not saying it was only your fault. I’m a human so I’ve got a brain but I don’t know why I forgot use it. Maybe…  love? We’re doing many things and thinkin’ when  it’s too late for it?

Love, love, love. It’s a bullshit! K and F broke up, N and M too. I always thought my best friends relationships were perfect. I was wrong. When I think about my screaming grandparents I have in head one question How could they felt in love? Maybe happy couples know secret of perfect love. Unfortunately it’s a secret. Many relationships are falling to pieces because people have problems with talking. Seriously, guys and girls, now it’s nothing but in the future it’s a disaster. Your kids, families, friends. They all we’ll be in shock. Hanging out – green light, marriage- red light.                  No one won’t screw up, that’s way I’m stopping think about love till I find my happiness.

We’ve got summer. Just like one year ago. This is different. Without friends, beach, drinking cosmo and vodka with girls, there is no happiness and well-known places (maybe two-my bedroom and living room).  Let me think what I’ve got. Hmmm, many questions and life possibilities. And a few bottles of beer in the kitchen. But let’s go to the point of my speech.

I’m reading great book “EAT, PRAY, LOVE”.  Every page teaching me something new about life, people and other important things. Elizabeth ended her marriage but she is miserable because of that ( longer than she think it’ll takes). I mean that I must came back to the start point which for me is my home(? Already?) in UK , to understand it was no one fault. It just happened and there is no reason to think about it all the time. We must hmmm, set somebody free and live, just live.

Elizabeth must go to India to understand it. Crazy, isn’t it?

Thanks God, I don’t have to go so far away.

Even if it sounds kind’a depressive from the first word, it’s really optimistic. I won’t lay in bed thinking about past, crying because many things changed. It’s time for being myself. And this time I will lose on weight for me, not for another Casanova.

“Wielkie oczy ma starch, palcem pogroże mu”

P.S. I am watching again and again „The proposal”. I love it! Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds made me initiate that love can come when we don’t expect it and can change everything.

Stephen Jerzak ft. Leighton Meester-  She said – I’m listening it for 2days. Good song.

* Sorry for any stylistic lapse or any spelling mistakes. It's late, I'm tired and for real no one is perfect...